Dear whoever,
by awesome scones
Summary: Dear whoever, I'm sorry. So sorry. /short chapters on the characters depression/
1. Chapter 1- perfection, not available

Dear whoever,

November 21, 2012

1:26am

I'm not perfect. Never will be. I'm sorry for letting you down. I am truly sorry for being a waste of time. I'm happy that you all are all fine without me.

As I stated before, I am not perfect. I know perfection is a myth. And no one can reach it. Please tell me why people expect it then. I don't always follow rules, more times I break them. That's a sin. I know. Which is why I fall short of that standard of perfection already. I make my own rules and not follow the natural order of things, and that makes me imperfect. No one is perfect. I know this, but if we are trying to reach perfection, which and who's standards do we go by?

The bible says you have to not sin. That is impossible for we sin the moment we come out of our mothers womb. We fall short, immediately.

Society says you have to look, act, and be a certain way. But that would be boring, and everyone would be perfect and ruin the complement of being perfect. Not to mention this is also impossible.

The world say be yourself, you are perfect. If this was true, which it's not, then we all die and go to heaven. There would be no need for religion.

I'm done with the confusion of perfection. The idea that perfection is real. The hope that I will be perfect. The pressure to become perfect. No one is perfect. Yet.. I don't know what perfect is.

-sincerely

Ivan, or Russia.

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Okay, sorry for kinda making your holidays sad.. But uh, these next few chapters are my vertical own depression writings and.. I just kinda saw characters in this while rereading it. So yea. There will be different characters but don't expect an update soon for this.

Reviews are nice^^


	2. Chapter 2- Understanding Hypocrite

**Hey, people of the internet! I have to be in school .. Monday I think.. I don't know! I haven't updated anything like I said I would, because I am far to lazy to brainstorm ideas and write. So,.. enjoy yet another update of this!**

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Dear whoever,

November 21, 2012  
9;31 Am

I am a hypocrite, possibly the biggest of all. I am a hypocrite to simple things. Don't come home drunk. Next day I'm on the couch from getting drunk. Don't procrastinate. I wait till the last moment to do it. Exercise a little. I don't move a muscle for most of the day. Don't be on the internet all day. I stay up all night looking at pointless shit. Not only do I say that everyone has a purpose, i believed it. I didn't lie that time. Everyone has a purpose.. everyone except me. I say I don't think about suicide or even attempt it. But I have.. many, many times.

Even as I write this I feel pity upon by the paper and pen, also by whoever reads this. I don't want it. i have enough. I wallow in self pity. The feeling of feeling sorry for your self. I can't take it anymore.. I don't want this.

Remember when I said I have thought of suicide? How I said you shouldn't? well, it's a dark path. A path that leads to other peoples despair and you want that? Others pain? Let me tell you some feelings that float threw when trying to end it.

One of those feelings is guilt. Guilt can be the thing to push you over, or pull you back. The guilt that comes is the guilt of leaving =. can you really watch over your family when struggling? Your death starts a chain reaction of pain one after the other. Your parents, or children, will probably get fired for being depressed. Other pain comes though, like they have to go through therapy and many other pain.

The next emotion is wonder. Wonder of "what if", of what the future could of held. What if you stayed strong?

Sadness is the last one, all the thoughts and things you did right and wrong flood you mind. All you are left to think is "Why?"

I am a hypocrite. A hypocrite that understands though. I understand others pain. Others suffering. I understand their pain. Most don't know this, but.. I am kind of glad that I don't matter anymore. It gives me more time to think about my mistakes and even out the guilt. Maybe this time I can end the pain without the feelings.

-sincerely

Gilbert, or Prussia.

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**Reviews? no? okay...**


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